i just had sex bonerless
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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