Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
