I'm lost and stupid without you.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
