my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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