I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
