ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
