Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
