drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
