I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
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She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
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... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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