I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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