i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
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he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
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Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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