Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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