It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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