I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Small penises have feelings too.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
