I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
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Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
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i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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