I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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