Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
