The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
