I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
