He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i think i have herpe
just one?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
