she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
