Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
