whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
