I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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