Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
