Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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