All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
