I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
