ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
