He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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