she woke up with a sticky ear
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
