he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
