Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
