SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
