He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
