My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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