Kiss
Puke
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
