He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
