I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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