just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
