If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
