I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
