Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
