hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
