Whod you bang
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
