my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
