Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
