Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
