ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
