I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
