Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
