WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
where am i from again
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
