Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
