You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
