He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
