I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
