It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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