I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
