1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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