three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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