Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
