Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
