shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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