Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
