Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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