I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
