dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
