Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
