haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Last time i carry you out of a forest
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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