Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
